Growing Up

No natural child likes discipline. Growing up, I wasn’t a very good boy. Often I drove my mother to the brink of insanity… I’m hoping it was just the brink! When she couldn’t handle me anymore, she would say, “Wait till your dad gets home…” Those words usually worked. As the hour drew near to my dad’s arrival, I would slowly make my way to my room in the farthest corner of the house, where I would try to remain silent and invisible. My hope was that my mom would either forget me or see that my actions showed an acceptance of my guilt. In either case, I hoped she wouldn’t tell my dad. I hoped to perhaps escape what I feared most…

My dad wasn’t abusive in any way. I don’t ever remember having bruises or marks. I don’t even remember him yelling at me. But I do remember him bending me over his knee, exposing my bare butt if needed, and giving me a few wallops that stung like a bee and cracked like the sound of firecrackers. And it worked… at least until the next time…

Recognizing Discipline

It doesn’t take long before we realize as children of God that we have another father, a heavenly Father, who also disciplines us. “For what son is there whom his father does not discipline” (Heb. 12:7). Though our heavenly Father’s methods may differ from our earthly fathers, they are none-the-less effective. One of the primary methods God uses to discipline his children is revealed by King David in the Psalms…

Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word.

It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.

I know, O LORD, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.

Psalm 119:67, 71, 75

Like our earthly fathers, our heavenly father often uses affliction to discipline us. Affliction can be pretty ambiguous by definition. It could be physical pain. It could be loneliness. It could be a person. It could be a medical condition. It could be not having a job. It could be within our job. It could be a part of our very calling. Remember, Jesus obediently suffer unto death (Heb. 12:3-4). Whatever it is, it is critical we do not write off affliction as being strictly bad. As though it is not part of God’s will or God’s plan for us. Our affliction could be a carefully crafted tool, specifically designed by God, for us.

Responding to Discipline

How do we respond to discipline? It certainly isn’t pleasant. Do we run from it? Do we self-medicate to forget it? Do we pursue ungodly relationships to escape it? Do we switch jobs to avoid it? Do we abdicate our calling for the sake of our own peace and comfort? Henry Holloman in his book “The Forgotten Blessing” puts it this way,

Our first response to disciplinary trials is usually to ask God for relief by changing the circumstances or by removing us from the circumstances. Yet God often does neither. Instead, He uses the circumstances to change us. He is more interested in changing our Christian character than in changing our circumstances.

Henry Holloman, “The Forgotten Blessing”, pp. 22

Have we found these words to be true in our life? Do we see that God is often more interested in changing us… than our circumstances? If so, how should we respond to affliction? What are we to do the midst of it? The author of Hebrews gives us some direction,

My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.

It is for discipline that you have to endure.

Hebrews 12:5, 7

We are not to regard the Lords’ discipline lightly… In other words, it’s not by chance that we are in a difficult situation. It’s not circumstantial. It’s not an accident. It’s not a mistake of God’s sovereignty. Furthermore, it is for this very reason that we have to endure (Heb. 12:7). When we are afflicted, the last thing on our mind is enduring one more minute, or day, or month, or year. Yet enduring is exactly what God is asking us to do. That we might be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy (Col. 1:11). This endurance builds character (Rom. 5:3-5). And God is more interested in changing our character… than in changing our circumstances.

The Loving Father

I remember as a teenager when my Dad found some letters in my room that I was exchanging with a girl from a nearby town. He read my correspondence while I was away with her and a couple of friends at a roller skating rink. He didn’t like what he found in the letters. He didn’t like the company I was keeping. He didn’t like the path he saw me heading down.

When I got home, he sat me down in my room and expressed his disappointment and concern for me. He then told me in a stern but sullen voice that my relationship with her was over, that I was not to see her anymore, and that I was not to communicate with her anymore. I knew it was done. I thought the punishment at the time was cruel and unusual. I thought he was acting like a monster, though I knew for a fact he wasn’t. And now years later, looking back with a tear in my eye, I see nothing but a father’s uncompromising love for his son.

When will we get it? When will we realize that which is metered out by the hand of our heavenly Father comes from nothing less than perfect love (Heb. 12:6)? When will we stop bucking against affliction, and instead endure what he has appointed to us (Heb. 12:7)? When will we recognize the reason we suffer, is so that we might live (Heb. 12:9)? When will see our difficult circumstances as for our good, that we might share in his holiness (Heb. 12:10)? When will we see our trials as God’s tools for training us, that we might yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness (Heb. 12:11)?

For me, perhaps it will take a lifetime… I expect so… But I do look forward to that day when I finally get it… When I finally see the father’s love, even in the most difficult situations. May we all anticipate that day when we can look back, perhaps with tears in our eyes, and see how much the Father loved us… even in our afflictions.