Imagine being stabbed in the arm with a penknife. Not so much as to kill you, but enough to make you bleed. It was unexpected, unprovoked, and whether it was intentional or not, you aren’t certain, but one thing is clear: It hurts. Really bad.
Imagine then going to the doctor. You tell him everything: How deep it the wound is, how awful it makes you feel, and how you did nothing to deserve it. Yet the doctor isn’t half as concerned as you are. He tells you that he’s seen far worse. But, like a good physician, he does his job. He stops the bleeding, sews you up, and councils you on how to dress the wound for yourself. You leave the clinic feeling no better than when you arrived.
Now imagine coming home. With plenty of time to think, you recall every last detail of the incident to make sure that you’re not the guilty party. You play the episode over and over in your mind like a bad re-run. You even go so far as to remove the gauze so you can see once more, just how much of a victim you really are. They say “bitterness has such a sharp memory, because bitterness has good study habits: Review, review, review” [i], and you’ve become quite the scholar. It’s a trauma you can’t let yourself soon forget, so you pick at the stitches. It hurts and bleeds all over again, but it’s the only way to keep the memory fresh.
Insult to Injury
This goes on for days, weeks, even months, until it finally gets infected. The care-sheet from your unsympathetic doctor went out with the trash long ago. And there’s no way you’re going back to the clinic now. Not in a million years. They’ll just minimize the pain again. You don’t want their help anyway, because once the wound heals, there’ll be no more proof of how guilty your enemy is! So you pick, pull, rip, and tear. The infection keeps spreading, and you don’t really care anymore. It’s destroying you, but you tell yourself, “That’s what they get!”
“In this life, you’re bound to get poked, pricked, and even stabbed”
After a year or more, your arm finally falls off. You weren’t responsible for the wound, but it was yours to keep clean, and you failed. You refused to dress it, you rejected the doctor’s advice, and you wouldn’t let it rest. Now it’s gone, and all you can think is “I still can’t believe they stabbed me!” Sure, they may have stabbed you, but they aren’t the reason you lost your arm. You are. And now you’ll spend the rest of your life blaming somebody else for the loss of a limb, even though it’s all in your imagination.
Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds
The scenario above is a graphic illustration of unforgiveness. It’s the resultant injury we inflict upon ourselves by refusing to forgive the one who initially injured us. But it’s not beyond your imagination. It’s a painful reality for countless Christians.
“Picking at the stitches…is the only way to keep the memory fresh”
Unforgiveness is the wound that time doesn’t automatically heal. It’ll never go away on its own. The longer you wait, the worse it’ll get, and the more responsible you’ll be for the losses you suffer because of it.
Skin is Thin
The Apostle Peter had been “stabbed” once or twice, and wanted to know how many times he was required to forgive (Mt.18:21). In his mind, seven times would be more than enough. But Jesus informed him that the bandage might need to be changed hundreds of times. Whether “Seventy times seven” means we forgive 490 individual sins, or just one single sin 490 times, we aren’t sure. But Christ’s point is clear: Keep the wound clean, Peter.
Human skin is between 1 and 4 mm thin. In this life, you’re bound to get poked, pricked, and even stabbed. Words can be sharp (Pr.12:18), and the sinful behavior of a brother can hurt (Gen.4:8). Some of those wounds will be intentional (Pr.27:17), while others will be inadvertent (Pr.27:6). But the real threat to your future isn’t always from the original injury…it’s in your response to it.
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” Colossians 3:13
[i] Doug Wilson, “How to be free from Bitterness“. Wilson is also to be credited for the illustration of unforgiveness as an unkempt stab wound.