A Sad Story…

Barbara was stunned. The bloated body they pulled out of the river had been violently stabbed to death. There was no mistaking that this was her husband (she knew it by the clothes he wore). Only a short time ago, having devoted themselves to God’s work, she and Roger had left America together to serve the Lord in a strange, new place. But now she was bereaved. Barbara had every reason to feel sorry for herself.

Barbara Youderian was married to one of the five missionaries who were killed by headhunters in 1956; Jim Elliot, Peter Fleming, Ed McCully, Nate Saint, and Roger Youderian. Without any warning, five young widows were left alone in the jungles of Ecuador to process what had just happened to the men they loved, and their future without them. That included Barbara. She was stunned.  

A Similar Situation…

Self-pity grows best in a climate like that one. When a person who’s committed to doing the Lord’s will receives (what seems to be) unfair treatment in spite of it, self-pity can flourish. When the very things we expect to bring reward, end up feeling like punishment, it’s hard not to sulk. Author Jon Bloom writes, “Self-pity is our sinful, selfish response to something not going the way we think it should”. And since the Christian life and ministry rarely (if ever?) go the way we “think it should”, feeling sorry for yourself can happen fast.

Jesus is branded in Scripture as a “man of sorrows” and by theologians as a “Suffering Servant”. Even though His life was marked from beginning to end with undying love & perfect obedience, much of what He got in return was disapproval, mockery, & abuse. It’s the true servants of God who have more occasion for self-pity than, perhaps, anyone else alive. One of the great victories of the Christian sojourn therefore, is to learn how to properly manage our feelings when God’s plan reveals an unexpected twist. 

“If you suffer for doing what’s right, and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you” (I Peter 2:20).

A Sinful Response…

Problems are never fixed by self-pity, they’re only made worse. Merriam-Webster defines the term as a “self-indulgent dwelling on one’s own sorrows or misfortunes”. It’s like poison to the soul, but we drink it anyway, totally unaware of the suicide we’re attempting. And serving the Lord can make a person thirsty for it, so be careful. The more self-pity you swallow, the more it swallows you. The Prophet Jonah drank his fair share, and barely survived to tell the tale. It wasn’t the fish that nearly killed him, as much as it was his bad attitude.

As risky as it is to be faithful to Jesus in a hostile world, it’s we ourselves that we should be most careful of. It’s quite often a poor outlook that slays a servant of God rather than the danger of the work itself. Much of what we call “burnout” has self-pity as its underlying cause. Dwelling on our own misfortune is exhausting, self-defeating work, and it’s been the ruin of many. Oswald Chambers cautions against too much introspection, because it “awakens self-pity. And self-pity” he says, “is satanic”.

A Special Honor…

Barbara Youderian kept a diary. On the very night that she learned of her husband’s murder, she wrote to explain the peace she felt: “I want to be free of self-pity. It is a tool of Satan to rot away a life…I am sure that this (situation) is the perfect will of God…the Lord has closed (my) heart to grief & hysteria, and filled in with His perfect peace”…

Doing God’s will can seem very unfair at times, and the devil will remind you of it every chance he gets. I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t face this battle every once in a while; I’m sure Barbara did. But she also knew that serving the Lord, no matter how difficult it was, or how high the price, was an honor above all honors. She understood that fact when she went to Ecuador with her husband, and even more so when she came home alone.   

No one is more pitiful than the Christian who pities themselves for having to serve the Lord. Nobody on earth should pity you for having such a high privilege…Nobody.

…Not even yourself.  

The devil is a busy one. He doesn’t have a lot of time to spend on any particular individual. If a quick conversation with a naïve woman (Gen. 3:1-5) or an evening spent inside of a betrayer (Luke 22:3) isn’t enough to get the job done, he’ll move along to more fruitful fields. He didn’t even give Jesus (of all people) more than 40 days of his time. He’s got heaps of work to do. That’s why he’s got a reputation for fleeing those who resist him.

That doesn’t mean, however, that there won’t be any harmful ‘side-effects’ to deal with after he leaves. His interactions, as brief as they might be, have long lasting side-effects (as was the case with Eve and with Judas both). Even if you survive the attack, he’ll always do what he can to get the most “bang for his buck”. No one targeted by the spiritual forces of evil in this dark world should expect to recover immediately.   

YOU’VE HEARD OF JOB…

Take, for example, Job. Blameless & upright indeed. A man who feared God, shunned evil, and experienced his fair share of spiritual conflict. And, as is often the case with us, the spiritual part of his warfare was momentary in comparison to what came next. His memoir is a lengthy 42 chapters, yet, the devil appears only as a brief cameo in the first two.

The devil wants you to curse God and die. And since he doesn’t have much time, he aims for efficiency

What follows is chapter upon chapter upon chapter of tense dialogue between a righteous man (desperately holding fast to his integrity) and the “voices” of those closest to him. Friendly voices which, by that point in his life, Job had grown to trust. If anyone could get his attention in a situation like that, it’d be them. Those men were nearer to him than anybody else; even his own wife.

Yet, his greatest challenge was in realizing that those familiar voices were WRONG! As much as he’d trusted them in the past, he’d better be careful now, for they were no longer speaking the complete truth. These “voices” had as much potential to destroy Job as the devil himself did. Should he listen to them, he would ultimately lose the battle, even after having survived the initial assaults of Satan.

It isn’t the devil himself that defeats most people, it’s usually the “voices” they listen to after he’s done with the attack.  

YOU’VE HEARD THESE VOICES…

We all have voices in our head. It’s a psychological phenomenon called “internal dialogue”. Not to be confused with auditory hallucinations, our “inner voice” is a normal part of our brain function. Most everybody experiences this to some degree. And like Job’s buddies, the voices in our head talk whether you invite them to or not. They’re always quick with accusations and opinions when things take an ugly turn. And they’re never as loyal as you might believe. They’ll let you think they’re always your allies, but if you listen carefully to what they say, you’ll discern that they sometimes sound like the enemy.

It’s unlikely that you’ve got any friends named Bildad, Eliphaz, or Zophar, but we all have “inner voices” which are nearly impossible to ignore. When something sends you into a spiritual tizzy, these guys will come out of nowhere with all kinds of ungodly opinions & half-accurate counsel. They always speak the loudest when we’re at our lowest, and it’s hard to know whether we should believe them or not. They’re so articulate, so believable, and so very dear to us.

It isn’t the devil himself that defeats most people… it’s usually the “voices” they listen to after he’s done with the attack

We need to be careful. Some of us allow our “inner dialogue” too much of a “voice”. They don’t always know what they’re talking about, and the longer we let them speak, the more convincing they become. Like Job, we need to know how and when to answer them. We need to put an end to their ranting. Had he not done that, Job would not have survived his ordeal. Neither will you.

YOU’VE HEARD THE WARNING…

You may never find yourself covered in boils, and you probably won’t lose your camels to the Chaldeans, but one thing is certain: The devil wants you to curse God and die. And since he doesn’t have much time, he he aims for efficiency. He’ll do just enough to unleash the voices in your head. If a slight offense is enough to trigger that conversation, he’ll leave it at that. If it takes a little more, he’ll probably give it a shot. But if he can’t remove you from God’s service with an all-out spiritual attack, he’s always happy to watch you do it yourself after you’ve talked it over with your so-called “friends”.  

Job has much to teach us, not only about how to remain blameless & upright when the devil intrudes, but how to make sense of the voices in your head after he flees. His biography is a prototype for the spiritual warfare you and I are in for.

Hold fast to your integrity.

Good grief, we’re doing it all over again. It’s the same thing we did only 12 months ago (and 12 months before that, and again 12 months before that), so I guess it shouldn’t really surprise me. But lately, it just feels less appropriate than usual.

If memory serves me, it was indeed about this time last year that we were all wishing one another a “Happy New Year”. Nonetheless, for a great number of people across the globe, 2020 ended up being, perhaps, the most difficult, frustrating, and (quite frankly) sad year of their entire life. And yet, in denial of its impotence, we’re offering each other the same tired expression once again this year.

The Year in Review

The facts are hard to ignore: One single virus was responsible for nearly 2 million funerals worldwide. The atmosphere of our own country was polluted with such political drama, citizens from coast to coast are still gasping for cleaner air. Racial tensions and riots burned through what was left of the thin thread that barely held a number of cities and communities together.

We were isolated from each other, and then fed a continual narrative of death & division. Lies & lawsuits are now the norm. Law enforcement has become criminal. The world is a morgue.

A year that was supposed to be ‘happy’ has left most of us feeling hopeless…

The New Normal

A lot of people are saying that we’ll never go back to the way things used to be. “This is the new normal” they say; “It’ll never be the same again” they say. Nothing can undo what’s been done, not even a vaccination.

Far from “happy”, the last 12 months have at least proven to be transitional. Everything from the governing color in the oval office to the way we celebrate holidays is different now. Very different.

And here we are, only 365 days later, with very limited options. Two really. We can either stay with the mission of Christ Almighty, or we can sit around and lament the things we’ve lost in 2020.

Which one will it be?

Happy, or Hopeless?

Unexpected changes seem to upset some people more than others.

If we’re prudent, we’ll allow the events of the last year call into question our ability to cope with transition at all. Your attitude and management of life alterations can either reveal spiritual soundness or spiritual instability. And history shows that it’s Christ’s disciples who prove themselves most adept at embracing transitional situations.

Certainly the most stark example comes from the original Disciples themselves as they transitioned from a life lived under the Law of Moses, to one lived by grace, apart from the Law. A hard transition for everybody, but only the Disciples of Christ survived it. A fact that can be largely attributed to their preparation. The sacrificial investments they’d made and the training they’d received paid off when it was most needed.

Others, however, didn’t fare so well. Why? Because unlike the Disciples who’d been following Christ with pure intentions, the Pharisees, for example, had been following Him with impure ones. In them, Jesus only stirred up latent feelings of jealousy, anger, and hatred. They demanded that their lives remain undisturbed, and couldn’t tolerate what God was forcing them to face, so, instead of making the change, they cracked under the pressure and got buried in sin.

Not everyone comes through times of transition with greater spiritual soundness than when it began. And whether we like it or not, both of these groups find their counterpart in Believers’ Church.

Who Are You?

It’s time to evaluate yourself. Was 2020 a success for you, or a failure? Are you strengthening or weakening? Did you transition well, beloved disciple, or did you falter? Have you made good use of the things you’ve learned, dear student? Have you put to wise use all the training you’ve received thus far, good soldier?

If we’ve learned anything in 2020, it’s that we have no clue as to what’s coming next. We may anticipate a better year than last, and we may wish for a ‘happy’ one like always, but we mustn’t let ourselves forget, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD determines his steps” (Pr.16:9). God has already decided what 2021 is going to look like for you and me. Our only job is to be ready for it.

The question is not whether tomorrow will bring blessing or adversity, but whether we’re prepared to accept either one. And if we can assume anything, it’s that the coming year will include much of both. We’ll have to wait and see.

Happy New Year…  

American’s have been in “pursuit of happiness” ever since 1776. Christians have been tracking it even longer. From the Garden of Eden to the Shores of America (and every place in between), mankind has always been dominated by a concern to be happy.

Everybody Wants To Be Happy…

Blaise Pascal (1600’s; French Mathematician) recognized this universal hunger for happiness long before American’s declared their intent to pursue it: “All men seek happiness” he wrote, “This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire in both, attended with different views. The will never takes the least step but to this object. This is the motive of every action of every man, even of those who hang themselves”.

Whether a person goes to war, like Josiah did (II Chr.35:20-23), stays home from it like King David (II Sam 11:1), or hangs himself like Judas Iscariot (Mt.27:5), the desire is the same. Adam thought he could find happiness in a wife; Eve thought she could find it in a fruit. The entire human race has been chasing happiness since the beginning, and we’re still in hot pursuit of it, even now. Pursuing happiness is one thing; finding it is another.

In 1987, Irish rock band U2 released a song that would eventually become one of the “greatest tracks of all time”. In it, front man Bono speaks for most of us when he sings, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”.  

Only Some People Want To Be Holy…

Unlike happiness, holiness isn’t as popular among earthlings. Isn’t it noteworthy that Blaise Pascal never said the same thing about holiness that he did about happiness? That’s because, on the whole, people concern themselves far more with being happy than they do with being holy. Judas, for example, sacrificed his very life to be happy, but wouldn’t pay 30 pieces of silver when it came to being holy.

Would it help to know that your happiness has everything to do with your holiness? John Phillips wrote, “Happiness and holiness always go hand in hand, and the reason we see so little genuine happiness among men is because there’s so little holiness”.

As citizens of an otherworldly Kingdom, however, pursuing holiness is what’s expected of us. Our King, in fact, told us to “Be holy, as I am holy”. We’re missing the mark entirely if we let ourselves pursue happiness apart from holiness. God withholds joy from those with no interest in being like Him.

Pursuing Either, Finding Neither…

While some never find happiness in spite of their reckless pursuit of it, there are others who have given up the chase altogether. They’re more interested in holiness. Some Christians are in such hot pursuit of piety that they just don’t care anymore whether they’re happy or not. They pursue sanctity with all the vim & vigor as the world pursues happiness. Only, instead of pursuing happiness to the neglect of holiness, they pursue holiness at the expense of happiness.

Asceticism finds its way into the church just as easily as Hedonism does. They just come in through different doors. But they’re equally capable of leaving their victims feeling hopeless.

Maybe that’s why Bono’s been singing the same thing for the last 33 years.

Following Jesus, Finding Both…

It hardly matters whether we’re pursuing happiness at the expense of holiness, or vice versa, the problem is always the same: We’re focused on ourselves rather than on the One who holds the keys to our deepest desires. Jesus’ followers won’t get what they want out of life by pursing them, but by following Him. All other pursuits (including happiness or holiness) are going to tire you out eventually. Only those who exhaust themselves in the pursuit of Jesus Himself will truly know what it means to rest.

Once we stop following Christ to pursue something else, we’re bound to get lost. And we’ll end up with neither happiness nor holiness. Those who faithfully pursue Him, however, will one day be rewarded with both, according to His promise: “Happy and holy is the one who shares in the first resurrection!” (Rev.20:6).

Have You Still Not Found What You’re Looking For?

So what, exactly, are you looking for? Are you pursuing happiness to the neglect of holiness, or holiness at the expense of happiness? Some people will spend their whole lives chasing these things. Others will die in their pursuit of them. But everybody, without exception wants something out of life, and that includes you.

(The following account is entirely fictitious. All names, statistics, & quotations are purely fabricated).

Chapter One: The ROOKIE

Chet Baxter learned to play baseball before he could hold a Popsicle, which came as a surprise to no one. His granddad helped build the St. Louis Cardinal’s dynasty in the 1920’s. His father, and two of his four uncles played farm league for West Texas in the early/mid 50’s. His Aunt Nikki fell in love with Ted Williams watching him play for Boston, and from that point forward, only wore red socks. Growing up in a family like his, Chet was destined to play ball.

When he was a sophomore in High School, Baxter could throw a 96 mph fastball. By the time he graduated he’d racked up more base-hits, RBI’s, and home-runs than anyone in conference history. With a .315 batting average through 52 games, he turned heads at the collegiate level. In 1973 he moved to Rhode Island to play shortstop for the minor-league Pawtucket Red Sox.

In December of 1974 Chet Baxter signed a rookie contract with their major league affiliate in Boston. Beantown was talking, the Baxter family was proud, and Aunt Nikki got a team-issued pair of red socks for Christmas that year. With the minor leagues behind him, and the major leagues in front, Baxter was in route to a future place in the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

Chapter Two: The INCIDENT

In the fifth week of spring training, however, everything came to a screeching halt. During a routine team practice, Baxter was hit with a knuckleball from teammate Jerry Billingham Jr.

A veteran “southpaw” from Indiana, Billingham thought little of the incident. When it struck him in the thigh, Baxter hardly reacted. A quick tip of the hat asking for pardon, and Billingham was ready to keep practicing. Baxter, however, couldn’t shake the thought of it. Though it had left a visible welt on his leg, it was the mental sting that hurt more than anything.

It wasn’t the first time Baxter had been hit by a pitch in practice. This was now the fourth instance since February, and that didn’t even include the times he’d been ‘grazed’. “Baseball isn’t supposed to be a contact sport” he kept telling himself, “Nobody in the major leagues deserves to be treated like this”. Baxter couldn’t help but to wonder whether these injuries were intentional. Was Billingham doing this on purpose? Did Coach Jackson tell Billingham to do it? Is the whole team in on this? Chet Baxter no longer felt welcome in Boston.

Chapter Three: The DECISION

Finally convinced that the entire franchise was against him, Baxter walked out on his team that day. He not only broke the contract he’d signed with the league, but the hearts of the people who loved him in Boston as well. When he left the field, he altogether left the game. In a single moment he erased everything he’d ever accomplished as an athlete since before he could hold a Popsicle. All because of a knuckleball.

With her authentic red socks, even Aunt Nikki shows more love for the sport than her forlorn nephew.   

Kevin Wilhelm, mayor of Boston said, “Boy, we all thought this kid was going to win us a few games. This is a big disappointment for us all. Big disappointment”.

Brian Campbell, a columnist for Sports Illustrated wrote about it. “I don’t know how he (Baxter) got this far in the sport with that kind of attitude. Who in the world doesn’t get hit by an occasional pitch? Whether it’s your boss or your brother, your coach or your colleague, your priest, your wife, or your dog, somewhere along the way, you’re going to get hurt. Again and again at that. But for God’s sake, you don’t just walk away from the game”.

Red Sox Head Coach Darrel Jackson said, “Well, it’s his career to flush if that’s what he wants to do. But if you don’t want guys like Fisk (Carlton) or Yaz (Carl Yastrzemski) on your team, I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking”.

Chapter Four: The END

Finishing first in the American League East that year, Boston ended their season by squaring off against the Cincinnati Reds in the World Series. By winning the pennant, his former teammates proved that the Red Sox didn’t need Chet Baxter at all. It was Chet Baxter who needed the Red Sox.

And although this account was purely fabricated, it’s based upon true story after story after story. Unfortunately, there are real “Chet Baxter’s” out there, and the church has seen plenty of them. They’re the ones who got swept away in a game they never really wanted to play. People who broke their contract and walked off the field. People who abandoned their team and disappointed their family. All because of a stray “knuckleball”.

What would make you break your contract, give up on your team, and leave this stadium?

“I actually called him about a week after that. He wouldn’t answer the phone. None of us knew what happened. I found out later that it had something to do with that knuckleball, but none of us can say for sure. It didn’t make sense to any of us. I’ve hit all the guys. Some of them have even taken it in the head, but we still like each other. I guess some people are just cut out for the game and others aren’t”

–Jerry Billingham Jr.

Months ago I began having a new kind of nightmare. The theme of these dreams is always the same, even though the details vary. Recently it was a horrifying car ride with a former work supervisor. Another time I recall trying to fight my way out of an unwanted hug. Maybe it’s little more than an absent-minded handshake, or an unexpected slap on the back, but each nightmare leaves me feeling the exact same way when it’s over:

Afraid…and full of remorse.

The reason my aforementioned dream so easily reached “nightmare” status, has nothing to do with the character or personality of my old boss. Rather, it’s that neither of us wore face-coverings in that car, and I didn’t realize it until after we’d parked! Nor is it that I have haphephobia (fear of hugs) which makes certain dreams so chilling nowadays. Rather, it’s when I’m being hugged by someone from a different household! Handshakes and backslaps aren’t usually too alarming…until they’re done with un-sanitized hands! I can hardly sleep lately…

I’m Not Alone…

I’ve confided in a few others about this issue, and realized that I’m not alone. Some of you are experiencing these same types of dreams, and I think I know why: Our brains have been so flooded with COVID warnings that we can’t stop thinking about them. The fear of violating these guidelines is so pervasive while we’re awake that we can no longer escape them by falling asleep.

Dreams like these are an uncomfortable byproduct of being deeply concerned…as we should be! Who (in their right mind) would want to be sent away from their friends on account of their own negligence? We’re living in a time when truancy reveals something about the heart. I, for one, don’t want to be missing church right now all because I won’t deny myself the pleasure of indiscriminate hugging. Our attendance at church these days says more than ever about the depth & sincerity of the love we have for our own Christian community…(or the lack thereof).

We Aren’t the First…

Call it what you will: Quarantine, isolation, or banishment, nobody wants to be “out of the club”. Ancient Jews called it “being unclean”. Anything from skin diseases to physical contact with a corpse could win you an extended trip away from your worshipping friends. Even secondary contamination was taken into account.

Talk about a nightmare! These guys had to be careful about everything. Neglect came with awfully strict penalties. Eat the wrong food, touch the wrong plate, and you’d be kept from corporate worship. Tread the wrong ground, and you could miss the annual celebration (see Jn.18:28). These were deep and abiding concerns for the people of God.

Uncleanness would weaken a person’s spiritual stamina, endanger that person’s life, and put the future of the entire congregation in a precarious position. It’s safe to assume that no kind-hearted Hebrew wanted to be seen as the one responsible for such inattentiveness.

Some Sleep Well…

Every community, however, has its own “violators”. These are people who see the “2-week” stipulation, not as a consequence for violating faith-principles, but as permission to do so. “As long as I’m willing to step aside for the necessary time”, they reason, “its ok for me to postpone all prior commitments to the things of God”. A week or two “outside the camp”, they suppose, and all goes back to normal once the time expires.

But is that really true? Two or more weeks away might eliminate the viral threat, but what has happened to that person’s heart while they were away? And what kind of mindset does a person have to begin with, that they can so easily “neglect the gathering of ourselves together, like some people do” (Heb.10:25)?

Truancy reveals something about the heart

Simply put, fellowship isn’t a high priority for them. They aren’t too concerned about whether their chosen lifestyle will require time away from their Christian community, they just want to enjoy life, and they aren’t going to let some silly hygiene recommendations slow them down one bit.

Exclusion from fellowship is a nightmare to some, but it’s a vacation for others.

Others Go Camping…

The campout was a real pleasure this year, wasn’t it? In spite of all the cancellations and restrictions we’ve seen, we were still able to safely come together for fun & fellowship. The extra care we’ve all taken in our personal lives may have been a bit of a nightmare, but I hope that our time together this weekend made it worth the effort.

Thank you all for making the necessary sacrifices to spend the time with me, my church in Duluth, and the rest of God’s family. Bad dreams or not, the reality is, your love for us is noticeable.